YOU SCREAM-A, I SCREAM-A

If you saw an Altoids tin with the words “If you can’t open it, you don’t own it” emblazoned on the lid, and it wasn’t shrink wrapped, would that make it free? It confuses me the same way those “DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE” bottle opener key chains confuse me. A real word problem.  These were the tough questions I asked myself this weekend inside the “Maker Store” at Maker Faire, the Ozzfest of DIY festivals crafted by Make Magazine.

SO. I bought things other people made, and I made things other people will buy. Here’s the rundown of my haul:

WHAT: Sashimi Tabernacle Choir Art Car Postcard

The first, and probably best, thing I saw. And the only art car I’ve ever liked, IN VIDEO:

WHAT: TV B Gone

This gizmo can turn off any TV with the push of a button. I’ve had my eye on it ever since Gizmodo got banned from the Consumer Electronics Show for shutting down hundreds of TVs, derailing demo after demo. When I saw it in the Maker Store, it was a no brainer. WATCH:

Dear Bikini’s Bar and Grill,

You’re dead.

WHAT: Make Pocket Reference

This thing picks up where the Boy Scout Handbook left off. Let’s look inside:

What’s obviously missing here? Blood type.

Finally, water gets its own chapter.

Is there a De Beers style Ebony cartel?

Now. The index is hilarious in it’s detail. I wish I could just post the whole thing. Instead, here are a few highlights, in alphabetical order:

Bed and Sheet Sizes-USA
Bones, Broken
Chest Wound, “sucking”
Clothing Sizes-USA vs. Europe
Dam, Weir discharge volumes
Earth
Fujita-Pearson Tornado Intensity Scale
German degrees of hardness
Glue types and applications
Holidays
Interest, simple, on $100
Jaw crusher hp vs. tons/hour
Leptons
Life expectancy statistics
Minimum breaking strength, rope
Nut factor (hardware)
Parabola
Proofreader marks
Quarks
Rock bulking factors
Speed of sound in dry air
State flowers
Unconscious
Water-cost to pump, electric

I’ll carry this reference book wherever I go, and never use it. Kind of like how I own every issue of Make, and yet I’ve never made a single thing from it’s pages.

WHAT: Homemade earplugs

I had to leave this space age putty in my ears for 10 minutes while the mold dried. And yes, my ear canals are shaped like tortellini. How can I use this knowledge to get ahead?

WHAT: Lego Book Cover

Do you love it? Will the kids love it? Lego had a strong showing at Maker Faire this year. Examine the spread:

Notice the Apple Store?

WHAT: Soap With A Prize Inside

Judge me. I don’t care.

WHAT: Model Rocket Parachute Plus Payload

Looks sharp in my office, right?

WHAT: Miniature Plastic Orioles Cap

This was my first impulse buy of the day at Maker Faire. It originally came with some cherry flavored italian ice inside, which I ate before this photo was taken. But it got me thinking, eating out of this collectible plastic ball cap. I had a eureka moment: why stop at italian ice? As soon as I got home, I began experimenting with different food bowl combos in my lab. Here’s the first failed attempt, cajun hot sesame sticks:

It just didn’t feel right, and it left my mouth all spicy. I needed to cleanse my palate. Now everyone knows I’m a guy who likes fancy things. Like shrimp cocktail. And baseball. In fact, it’s always been a dream of mine to somehow combine the two. And that’s when it hit me like an opposite field home run:

Together at last. Martha Stewart Living has already expressed interest in licensing the idea. It’s also generated lots of interest at local potlucks. Here’s some more shots from the photo shoot:

UNTIL NEXT YEAR.

Dispatch from outside of Maker Faire: